GUTS! -- Where they come from?

I was rather surprised that my whole pizza delivery job take up lotsa GUTS to do it, someone reminded me and make me think of how the hell i did it .... for 3 months, if i m not coming back to KL, i would have continue the job.

People wouldn't understand what i am trying to say or how my feeling is, becuz this is not what a common people would experience.

Alot of people especially girls like me who need money in a foreign country, would heard of people delivering pizza, but none will ever tot of doing it, cuz we girls, fear of lotsa things and this kinda job a man who usually do it.

1st FEARs: LOST
2nd FEARs: DARKNESS
3rd FEARs: FOREIGN COUNTRY ROAD
4th FEARs: THE FAMOUS QUEIT YET DARK HOUSING AREA
5th FEARs: DOGSSSsssssssssssss (To me la)
6th FEARs: BEING LOOK DOWN

*I shall continue tomorrow, as i m way too tired now, being a good girl nowadays, but today alil off*

*continue on 6th january*

Hah, i don't have that kind of feeling like what i felt yesterday nite, but well since i said i hv to continue then i'll have to continue it.

With all those fears that i mentioned above, of cuz there are more hidden fears too as each and every delivery go to a different place, to a different customer.

I don't want to mention so much about the fears, as everyone would know what kind of fear we would face if you try to see from my side.

I am so proud of myself when SY mentioned all those, and i wonder how i did it.

When she is saying it, i have got flash back of me sending deliveries. *chop* *chop* *chop*

It is so touching that my tears couldn't resist to fall down, no one can share my feeling.

I remember there was a night about 11pm, i hv to send out a delivery, normally around that time i wouldn't like to go out cuz it is darn late, i am scared of criminal might happen plus that delivery place is 10km away from the shop, that place is not a housing area, i dunno what place is that ... industry place i guess ... wah goddamnit that i used up some time to look for that unit number, it is dark and the wind is howling outside. i can only use 4 words to describe that place "fong1 san1 ye1 leng1" (in canto) I was driving the car up and down looking for that unit number, oh forgot to mention that was a factory area. No street lights, no sigh of human and who would want to eat pizza at this time!! Finally i gave up and i hv to call the customer to ask for the exact place, if not .... i'll be in danger. And then i found that factory, which is one of the factory that i pass by, but it was too dark and that customer apologised to me that their lights were out at that moment.

Another bad experience, sometimes i hate it when i need to knock the door so damn hard and no one is answering it, i knock until my knuckle is going to bleed and normally when i encouter with this kind of situation, i dunno why that night is a windy night ... i m so cold that i have to curl myself without my hand holding to myself, sometimes the wind is so strong that my hat blew away from me and i hv to run n pick it up. (Those are all in a very very dark condition)

I hv also encouter with lotsa dogs. Remember ... the Aussie dun like to live in a prison, they don't have any gates or watever as a boudary, so dun expect their dogs being close in the cage. They are all FREE DOGS, who can run freely, hide everywhere, bite anyone !!! I was being threathen by these dogs for numerous times, until now i am still afraid of dogs, no matter how those customer are trying to tell me their dogs is very friendly and their dogs dun bite. Whatever it is ... dogs love to go near human and i am afraid of them coming near to me.

I m sorry that the words that i used to describe can't give a full picture of how the situation it is, all i can say is that i m the only one that know the feeling, no one would be able to understand it, unless there is someone like me, a girl from malaysia who doesn't drive much at home, who is so damn afraid of dogs, darkness, loneliness,...... etc etc etc. When i see the picture ... i felt myself kinda kesian, but what makes me did it? I don't know!

Is it the power of money? When a person needs money, any fears that they are afraid of would put it aside or concentrate on it?! .... At this very moment, reminds me of those contestant in Fear Factor, Amazing Race. Becuz of the prize - LOTS OF CASH, they have to do it, whether it request you to jump down from a high rise building or ask you to sleep with crawling LIVE RATS. They would do it, though there are some people didn't do it cuz they know they can't! I wonder whether i would do it when i am really desperate of money at that very moment. Now, i would say i wouldn't sleep with rats cuz i m afraid of it .. i won't eat cockroaches or watsoever, cuz i m really afraid of creatures which is not a HUMAN. Maybe if i take part in Fear Factor, i would only play the first part and the second part with creatures i would give up!!

But well, no matter what, i think GUTS is all what we are saying and i really want to know where is my GUTS and how they come out??

I wonder where is my GUTS for sky diving coming out?? ... I m still waiting!