Being DUMP by my closest

WHAT THE FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

I felt so disappointed and angry and all, i was being dump by my closest ever people in the world - family.

We are supposed to go to Malacca tis morning, i came back late yesterday nite, just becoz i have a sudden gathering with my primary school friends, becoz one of them is going to taiwan for study. I just came back late, 12:40 am!! Then when i m home, i ask my bro tom morning what time we should go to Malacca? Then he answered me "i think abt 7am gua!!" Ok, so, .... i went to sleep without the lights off (coz it was the day of the month which quite scary) So, i am not really asleep, at abt 6 something am, i am a lil awake, nt really awake, bt hv feeling, can feel what is happening out there, and then almost until 7 am, i was wondering why no one wake me up, and why there are no sound out there, and so, suddenly my phone memo rings (coz i set a memo to remind myself to record the show for my dad before we went out) then i turn it off, and then i saw the sun is rising, so i turn off my light, and went back to sleep, and since the light is off, i automatically sleep like a pig, when i awake and saw the clock, it was 10:30 am, i m like shit, why so late no one wake me up, then when i open the door, what i saw is my parents room door was open, no one was inside, and then when i step out of my room, i saw my bro room is empty as well, and his bed was nicely tidy up by the maid, then i start to get frust!! i go to call my mom, bt cannot get thru, then i immediately go downstairs and hv a look, then yes the car is nt here, bt i saw my kakak is here, then i ask her, where they went? then she said "pergi mana? ah teng tak tau?" i replied: " ya tak tau", she told me "malaka" then my whole body is like the blood all rush up to my mind, the fire is burning inside me, i went up pick up the phone and call for confirmation, cannot get thru again, i redial, this time can get thru, bt no one picks up the phone, then i redial, cannot get thru, then i called again, yes she pick up the phone, then i ask "where are u" "halfway to malacca" "why didn't wake me up and ask me to go?" "ah, we here the car was nicely fit" "why din tell me?" "u come back so late last nite.... " then i hang up the phone at once!!! coz i cannot continue listen to the phone and all.... the flame burning in my heart within a second, i immediately go back to my room, tears burst out for hoursss!!!

Just last week, after i read someone blog abt she n her mom relation was nt that good since young then something happen and they become very good, then she wrote abt all those mother n daughter thingy.... actually i wanted to write a review and say i also hv something in common, bt then until today i hvn't write, and so today she broke my hearts, my heart was made with family and friends, family is the most important part. Friends ... ya just some part, coz i dun hv many close friends, even if i hv some, bt not all i can depend on!!

Many ppl see that i look strong n all, bt actually i m very frail, i just dun show it to everyone, i keep it to myself, coz i dunwan to let ppl know that i am frail. i can easily hurt by ppl that i care and ppl that i loves. I hate ppl that i cares n loves cheat on me, or left me out for nothing. I feel like where should i belong? now that even the family is nt a place for me to stay, i just hv a feeling that i should get a ticket and fly away, since that nobody cares, i need a new place to accept me, even though i dunno where will accept me. I hate the feeling of being left out, that is soo bad.

Why they din ask me to go? Why they din wake me up? you know that i want to go, you know i am ready to go, and the stupid bro, u know i ask for the time, means i want to go, why no one bother me in the morning, no one bother to just tell me that we are going ... why why why!! sleep is nt a crime. and i dun think is my fault, nothing to do with me. even though i came back late last nite, bt why u din called and ask me whether i wan to go or just tell me that who is going, u know this world we hv a thing call 'cell phone', u call at 12 to ask me when i will be back, it is like yea u r guarding me, u called n ask me n warned to go home, bt then why u din bother to tell me? isn't that i m not important, i m nt important be informed? why the bro can go? He is the one who dunwan to go, and he actually has class to attend bt u let him skipped his class, what the hell is this? i m the one who has no class, and the school purposely give us a day holiday. U know that i hv complaint abt this long weekend, i hv been staying in this house for 2 days, without u guys home, and now i am all alone again! U said u are all nicely fit into the car, so i m the superflous in the family is it? Why my bro can go, so he is important is it? So i am the superflous who wasted the family money, yea, i m the one who uses most of ur money, my school fees and all, i know u are trying hard to let me go, bt i know u cannot afford my fees there, and are preparing to take up loans, so in the end who is the one who paid this back, ME!!! which means i m the one who try so hard and have to pay for all, i save ur money for nt buying me a car here, so i sacrifice my tireness, i travel everyday, why i dunwan to stay there, just becoz i want to stay with my family, just becoz i wan to cherish the time we have when i am still here, before i go, i wanted to spend my time with my family, why i wanted to go to malacca after all that is nt an interesting place, it is also becoz we can spend the time together. So now i m the redundant, just like the maid, have no place to seat, just left me out, like the maid, so my status as equal to the maid, and her money being paid per month more than me, so i m the one just stay in the house waiting for the day to go, is that all? I can't stop thinking nonsense, bt i m too ... i dunwan to think, bt i cannot find a reason for lefting me out!!

Experience like this is like hell u know, waking up seeing everyone go to have fun and lefting me out for nt being informed. this is nt like the movie 'Home Alone', his family have too many members, and they are all in a rush, things are too messy, bt HELLO?? our family there are only 5 ppl living in this house, 1 is the maid who paid for living here and work for us. Being dump by my closest closest mommy n daddy n brother, the status cannot compared with friends. So how now, i hv been closing myself in the rooom for the whole day, i din eat n all, i just took my bath coz last time i din get a chance to bath. She called for twice, bt i din pick up the phone, instead kakak pick it up, bt i refuse to answer. i din even receiv a sms, if she ever feels guilty, i dunwanna talk, can u at least send me a msg, at least explain to me, bt nothing, i dunwan to answer the phone, coz i know i couldn't talk. and i really dunwanna listen. feeling so damn down and all, now i have no one to depend on, no friends no family,.... i dunno what to do instead of locking myself in the room, i hv think of running out, just for the sake of protest. bt i hv no where to go, no friends place to go, and i dunwan to wondering around coz it cost me money, why i would waste my money for doing things that is so stupid and which is also hurting my pocket. all i can do is to save up the money, and then... just fly away. I really think of it, just now i really think of buying a ticket and fly to somewhere, bt i dun hv the money. ya, nt only wife hv to be financially independant, be a daughter also need to be financially independant, if nt... i really have nothing to do, coz i hv no money.

what is so hummiliating is, when i open my door, what i saw instead of the empty room, is todays newspaper. why would u bother to put the newspaper infront of my door instead of knocking my door n tell me we are leaving now without u? I m soo geram, when i think of why my bro can go, i lagi geram, feel like, i m nt treated fairly. and the bro, what can he do, he can't study, he has no good result as mine, and he is lost... he has no future plan at all at this age. i have mine since 11, i hve my big future plan since very very young, nt to say 11, i already hv my first ambition at 4. now that i m the one who are capable to study a degree programme, and in the future u want me to pay for my bro fees, sorry i hv to say no, coz u din pay a sums of 200 thousand for my overseas fees, if i take up the loans, means i m going to pay by myself, nothing to with u, u dun hv to like working very hard, and stressed and all, u dun need to work until so late just for the sake of the redundant ppl in the house.

i wrote this from 1:45pm, posting at 3:05pm, yeah, where should i escape to?