All Went Down Hill

Everything went down hill today.... i just dunno why everything need to happen in a day...

To test am i applicable to live on my own?
To test am i strong enough to receive all this task?

or

To see how bad i can do when everything bad happen in a row?

Since thursday nite, after the overly excitement groceries shopping spree with chip n cornie ...
the nite itself, i have no idea what i want to eat, though i hv lots of craps
I can't figure out what i am cooking
I can't even enjoy my food, yet i finished it!

I ate my bowl of fried mihun n mee ... the dark soy sauce and some carrot.... it should taste good
bt i am not in the mood ....
my mood just like shoot down tremendously ... i also dunno why
and then i went to buy plums from Chip, then i get to boost my mood back after crapping at her place and watched Amazing Race

Friday ... i wasn't feeling enthusiatic at all... I was late for editing
After back from editing got some juice to drink n read those crappy friendster forwarded msg that said friendster is closing soon pls forward the msg to ur friend. BULL SHIT!

Then went out ... saw this letter from SV ... i was waiting for it... who knows it is a bad news
My extension of contract for SV wasn't successful,
and i hv to get my ass off with all my luggage n all the shit i have to no where ...
I felt lost!

Chip too extention not granted. we were discussing how, she is even worse, going to melb in 10 jun.

I am hoping for the 13 to come, wish they can tell me that there are places in SV so that i don't have to move.

Not that i hate moving, bt i don't want to live outside, i don't want to spend a fortune to rent a house and start a life again...i don't want to spend extra cost to buy this and that for a new place.

I am so miserable ...i felt lost ... and added that it is WINTER, it is BLOODY WINTER, where am i going to live, sleep, eat, shit, shower? and where to keep myself warm too!!!

I know SV won't be this full, i know they are saving for the new student quota and sacrifice the old student .... bloody hell.

i know when the next sem starts, SV will be empty... and why that time they kick us out.

but how to wait until the semester starts? ... i am going to spend that 4 weeks break without a permanent living space.

I know i hv certain ways to live during tat 4 weeks pouring rain, howling winds' winter
1. live outside
2. zoe room
3. li teen room
4. auntie elaine house
5. auntie christina house

But .... live outside stupid! Expensive! Lonely! Depressing!
Zoe room ... lving with strangers, m just like an intruder
Li Teen room a double room
aunt elaine hse ... too far away
aunt christ hse ... far too and they will take over care of me

That kind of feeling...the feeling of doesn't belong to anywhere, the feeling of lonely, the feeling of lost!

I went out dinner with them to Northbridge ... i just want to get my head off to somewhere, social abit so that i won't be too narrowed my mind

Bt well... back to my room, i am all by myself again, talk to parents, i tot i can come out with some solution, becuz that is what i do all the time for all my life.... now i know i am no longer living with my parents, and i hv to learn i am now living on my own, living with my own responsibility... i am so down talking with them, and added that mom told me she is not coming becuz of the grp of people who suppose to come cancel their trip, so no mom coming.

that day i was so happy that if my mom coming, i can follow the trip to albany, margaret river and places ... spend time with mom... and mom said is 90% coming... but now no more ... i am so down yet i hv to receive this news ... i talk less, cuz i am emotionally agitated, but gotta show them i am calm.

That's not it ... tommy suddenly come into my room, asking back his stuff in my room- the street map, the radio .... and then the cds. he told me he will be leaving soon

and then several hours later, he told me he is leaving some time tomorrow ... WHAT!!!!

I am really not happy with his moving out.... He just came in n took back his stuff... like those couple who break up and ask to return back everything .... it is like u should respect me, and at least give an early notice, not this sudden ok... i am really not happy

Although sometimes he is noisy, sometimes is abit annoying, irritated.... but it is a good flatmate that actually keep ur boring time alive during late nite!

I like the feeling of talking straightforward to him, cuz i just can tell him what he shouldn't do and he won't feel bad about it, if he felt bad he will tell, not a complicated person. and now he is telling me he is moving tomorrow!! it is not easy to accept this while my emotion can't accept anything bad enough.

I was trying hard to focus on my MA readings ... read the question...ask myself why none of them i understand!!!

Ok i know nothing about it .. i felt lost again

Took shower wish to clean everything, and wake myself up.... never felt so down before ...never!!!

I even went to the bird singing flash site to watch this clip again... i kept this address in my bookmark, cuz last time no matter how down the mood is, i just turn it on, and listen to that bird singing, it will boost my mood up, and i will laugh at it... this time, today i watch at it, look at it, listen to it.... i felt nothing, i even watch it twice ... no effect at all!

Currently in my mind... room to live, places where i should belong, test, 2500 essay, shooting, analysis essay, money ....everything cramp up together, why must they all happen at the same time?

If u want me to set a chart for these few days mood ... it is a down hill direction, i need my ups ... i need something really really .. no i just need a solution for the above problems.