Pressure hidden deep down inside

Feelins so so so uneasy for the past few week
maybe it is ever since
rach's sudden silent
things were not like the same as last sem

burst into tears while readin rach's blog, i can't help it pressure hidden inside for a very long time
coz things that she mentioned
i find it damn wasted
i mean the relationship that we build damn wasted

though she thinks she have a big gap with us
and that would be only her prob
but no
i feel the same thing here too
i felt there are a big gap among 3 of us

and then i hv a picture in my mind that
the hapiness that we have last sem
it no longer happen
never ever happen again

the blog that she wrote
it makes me feel like
that is the last letter she writes for before she go suicide
i mean the feeling is like this
though is not suicide
bt it just gave me the feeling
that the blog is a last message
i miss the happiness on last sem
i miss the togetherness on last sem
i miss the togertherness that we had
i miss the no gap among us

to another person,

things were diff
bt it is not just what u see or what u think
that would be too simple
though what u said the chemistry are diff
bt that is not the point that made me think

disappointed all i can say
the dream that we made
the mission and goal that we made
there are no longer here

a big disappear of SEZB
it disappear in this world
find it hard to say
bt things were diff

speed that we are going
the way that we are going
are different
it is just like a couple
who do the totally diff thing
have a totally diff free time
finally the end up break up
coz they din spend a quality time together
the quality time should spend is for the simple n plain n nice
no pressure...

is a hope
is a dream
to achieve that kind of relation now

sorrow
bitter
sadness
is all what we can find n see now

though it is not clear in this post
but every single word n sentence means something
something that come from my heart
something might not be so clear
bt i think it just cannot be solve here

is it only that, that i want to say for so many days of the thoughts i have?
Yea not really
it is just a part of it

Oh yea
when i am taking the ride to home in the LRT
i actually planned to settle this hassle today
just in a so right timing
rach realised
and just let it goes on
too bad
when i want to say
when i want to tell
someone is not in the mood for this

let me tell you one thing
when things that are going to happen
it will just happen
it won't choose a right time or when u r in a right mood to let it happen
but since that you are not in the mood to know
then i have keep it for one more day to respect your willingness
the more i keep
the more i think

just to remind u
u are just way too lucky
to have so many ppl care and love you
to have so many ppl that will follow and respect you
keep your feet on the ground
cannot imagine if one day u lost them all
bt i dun think it will happen
coz ......
i really dunwan to say this